Stalked from Beyond the Grave: Yamcha's Misfortune
by dbzgal04
Summary: Former desert bandit Yamcha always had excellent potential as a fighter and martial artist. Unfortunately, he came to receive the short end of the stick every time he could prove himself. Was it mere rotten luck that got in his way, or something else?...


Stalked from Beyond the Grave: The Reason for Yamcha's Misfortune Revealed

Master thief Hasky was finally arrested by authorities after Goku thwarted her attempt to bomb Dream Land. After spending a few days and nights in jail however, a few lower-ranking soldiers in the Red Ribbon Army freed her by pretending to be Hasky's visiting relatives. Upon discovering this charade, the police attempted to stop Hasky and her rescuers, but alas the master thief was very crafty and the soldiers highly trained in hand-to-hand combat. After knocking the authority figures unconscious with their own clubs and even tasering them with their own tasers, Hasky and her saviors quickly escaped.

Hasky followed the RRA soldiers as they ran around a corner and halfway down the block where their hover jets were parked. One of the soldiers, Private Gold sat down in his hover jet and motioned for the master thief to sit behind him. The grateful femme fatale gladly obliged. She thought 'Usually I would be the driver, but I will let him drive this time. It is the least I can do.'

After a few hours the group finally arrived at RRA headquarters. Hasky's rescuers led her inside, where Commander Red was waiting. The master thief entered the main doorway, and standing right there was Commander Red! This couldn't be good news, since he normally did business in his own office on the top floor. At his side stood a tall man with blond hair, blue eyes, and a handsome muscly physique.

Commander Red said quietly "You failed, just like everyone else. Luckily General Blue here is going to take over."

Hasky gulped nervously. Before she could explain, Commander Red and General Blue each pulled out a pistol and fired a laser beam at her! Commander Red got her through the heart, and General Blue got her through the head. The master thief was killed instantly. As her body fell backward, Blue snickered "So long, sweetie! Now we'll see what I can do!"

Hasky was surrounded by pure darkness. Then suddenly she found herself in a large spacious room, surrounded by strange people with red and blue skin and small horns. The femme fatale was disgusted by their appearance. "Where am I, and who are you freaks?!" She demanded.

Suddenly a booming voice called out "Ah yes, Hasky the master thief! Please come over here immediately!"

Hasky spun around, and gasped in bewilderment. On the other side of this bizarre room was a giant with purple skin, a black beard, and a horned helmet. He sat at a desk fit for his size. Slowly she stepped toward him, unable to believe her eyes. Finally, she was standing at the center of the red carpet directly in front of this giant's desk. This stranger was about to speak again, when Hasky barked "What's going on? What is this weird place? Who are all you freaks anyway?"

The purple giant firmly set his fists down on his desk, causing the whole area to shake steadily. Hasky gulped apprehensively; it was clear this guy meant business and was not to be screwed with.

A silent moment passed by, and finally the large man spoke. "That's much better my dear." Then he opened a book and flipped through a few pages. He then said "You're at the check-in station between Earth and Other World. I am King Yemma, king of the ogres and judge of the dead. These other ogres perform various other tasks caring for Other World and the dead. I'm afraid you have a poor record, with your thievery and working for bad-news folks like the Red Ribbon Army. You certainly won't enter the Upper World. But I know the perfect punishment for you."

"And what would that be?" Hasky asked, more curious than anything.

King Yemma smirked and said, "You'll be an afterlife civil servant, and your task will be escorting violently slain and lost souls here to the check-in station and then to their Other World destination."

Hasky laughed hysterically. "What, are you serious?! That's my punishment?"

King Yemma continued "Here's the catch: all souls you collect and guide will be those who are pure of heart and enter Upper World. Not only will you interact with the kind of folks you despise and provide a helpful service for them, but you'll get a glance of Upper World and see how your unwise choices in life have denied you wonderful benefits after death. It will also be a place you find repulsive and would want to plant a bomb in, but you won't be able to!"

The newly deceased femme fatale went silent. Then she quickly caught on and stuttered out loud "Oh…and it will also feel like I'm stealing souls…but I'm really taking good people to something better…"

"Exactly!" King Yemma declared, grinning at her.

Hasky groaned and fell over backward. The giant ogre chuckled and said "I'm afraid there's no time for a break! Your work begins right now."

Hasky jumped back up about to protest. Then she noticed two other ogres carrying her away and to the entrance of this grand structure. Suddenly, the villainess realized they were about to throw her off the balcony!

She tried to scream, but one of the ogres snickered and said "You're already dead, remember? Besides, you'll get around by levitating."

Sure enough, after the creatures dropped her over the edge Hasky merely floated in the air. The other ogre said "Go along now! You'll know when there's a soul for you to escort."

Hasky slumped her shoulders and floated down closer to Earth. Before long, she heard a loud noise that could only be described as an intense ringing. The new afterlife civil servant flew around frantically, trying to find the source. Then she noticed a nasty looking vehicular accident on the road. Police cars and other emergency vehicles surrounded a van with slight damage on the front and a motorcycle lying several feet away on its side. Even further from the motorcycle lay the body of its rider. Next to the body stood…the rider! Of course it was his ghost, looking down at his corpse in anguish.

Hasky floated down beside the desolate soul. "Come with me now.", she said as gently as she could.

The startled spirit spun toward her. He asked, "Are you my guardian angel?"

"No, not exactly.", Hasky sighed. "I'm here to take you somewhere better." She took his hand in hers and they floated up toward the sky. First they stopped at King Yemma's palace, and then Hasky escorted the newly deceased man to the Upper World itself.

Time went on, and Hasky brought even more souls to their afterlife destination. When she wasn't guiding a newly dead spirit, Hasky flew around Earth and observed daily occurrences among the living. Nothing else to do. Then one day, the former master thief came upon a certain fighting arena. Curious, she hovered down closer to see what was going on. The strangest sight Hasky noticed was a short old woman with pink hair and a witch outfit.

Just then, Hasky saw a familiar-looking guy enter the fighting ring. He was incredibly handsome, with a decent tan and short, thick black hair. Then she heard someone mention his name, and Hasky immediately remembered. "It's that hottie, Yamcha!", she exclaimed.

Fortunately for Hasky, she didn't have any more calls for a while. As a result, she followed Yamcha around and discovered where he resided. The afterlife guide was glad about this. Now she could really enjoy herself while not busy…

Days went by, as did Hasky's work. Then one particular day, countless people gathered on Papaya Island for the World Martial Arts Tournament! Hasky was positive Yamcha would be there, and she hung around searching for him. "Yes! There he is!", she cried. He was taking part in the preliminaries, and sure enough Yamcha was one of the eight finalists. The former thief practically swooned. Hasky received a few more calls before Yamcha's fight, but luckily there was enough time between for her to see the whole round.

His opponent was a muscular bald man with Tien, whom also had a third eye on his forehead. "Ew! What an ugly freak!" Hasky declared. The round began, and Yamcha started off rather well. "Yes, that's it my love! Give him all you've got!"

However, the tables soon turned and Yamcha's luck run out. Hasky could only watch in horror as Tien not only defeated Yamcha, but broke his leg! When her beloved living mortal was carried off to the hospital, Hasky stayed beside him and gave gentle caresses to his splendid body, especially the broken leg. She remained at Yamcha's side during his entire stay at the hospital. Hasky muttered "Stupid Tien! He's lucky I'm not alive anymore…"

The invisible guide would've continued to stay by Yamcha after he left the infirmary, but a mere couple minutes afterward Hasky heard that same intense ringing. So off she flew to her next client. The former thief realized that while she hated seeing her crush in extreme pain, it was very invigorating to be in close proximity to Yamcha and be able to admire and caress his splendid body without anyone knowing, while at the same time providing unrealized solace. This gave the deceased former thief an idea. She regretted that Yamcha would receive great misfortune during his battles, but it would make staying close to the sexy living mortal easier.

From that moment on, when Yamcha was in a major battle Hasky would kiss his cheek, leaving the living mortal awestruck at this sudden unknown display of affection. As a result, the enemy would triumph and Hasky would remain at Yamcha's side, consoling his pain and embarrassment until her next call. Not to mention, caressing his sexy physique made her feel alive again. Of course, she escorted his spirit to the check-in station after he was killed by the Saibamen, and during their short journey Hasky was extremely lovey-dovey with Yamcha. Needless to say, he was glad when they finally arrived at King Yemma's palace! While Yamcha's spirit trained with King Kai before being revived by the Dragon Balls, Hasky watched over his physical remains. In fact, the very reason the former desert bandit's body was still intact after the Saibamen's blast was because Hasky was able to protect Yamcha's physical form!

Years passed, and long after the battle with Majin Buu Yamcha succumbed to death via natural causes. Even though his death was natural this time, King Yemma allowed her to escort his soul one last time since she had done such an excellent job since her very first assignment. Before sending him off to the Upper World one last time, Hasky kissed his lips while fighting back tears. Yamcha smiled at her before permanently entering Upper World. "Good-bye and have a peaceful afterlife, Yamcha. You deserve it!", Hasky called out softly, tears finally emerging and flowing down her cheeks.


End file.
